How I Deal With Comparison Online

There will never be a time when the title of this post isn’t relevant. Whether you’re busy or quiet, positive or frustrated, focused or distracted, comparison can jump on you at any given moment. No one is immune from comparison-itis, and learning to deal with it is an important part of being a business owner.

I’m not, in this post, going to explain why comparison happens because I don’t know al the psychological ins and outs of it, but what I do know is how it affects friends, clients and myself, and how we all get out of it. So if you want to reign in the comparison beast and find ways to deal with it in the every day, this is how I do it.

Step 0: Acceptance

First off, we need to accept that this is something that’s going to happen to use and not fight it. Comparison brings with it lots of thoughts and feelings about how we’re not good enough, and on top of that we can add another stick to beat ourselves with: that we should be stronger than this.

Whether it’s comparison, fear of change, or any worry in your business, you can guarantee that resisting the negative feelings will make them more intense. Moving through life with the calm acceptance that you will be tested makes it easier to deal with when it comes. It doesn’t make you anything other than a human.

Step 1: Feel The Feelings

When comparison hits, allow yourself some time to wallow. This is something to move through, not fight off, and the more you resist the stronger hold it will have on you. You need to feel the feelings in order to understand them, so allow yourself a limited period of time to do so.

Whenever I feel comparison taking over I will stop what I’m working on (because no good work will be produced in this mindset), and I allow myself to stalk. Whatever has made comparison flare up I’ll confront myself with – that might be going waaay back through an Instagram feed, reading every page on a website, reading positive reviews or comments and just generally digging deep into the thing that’s triggered me.

A therapist might tell me that there is self-flagellation, and to be honest there probably is an element of that. But I be sure to limit my time; depending on how crappy I’m feeling it might be a few minutes or an hour, but I don’t let it get out of control. The important thing is that this behaviour helps with step two…

Step 2: Get Analytical

Once you’ve felt the feelings, get curious about what they’re telling you. They are feeding off something inside of you so when you can isolate what that is you can start to make it better. It will never be the case that you’re feeling comparison because ‘I’m so bad at everything’ – there is something specific that has triggered you so investigate what that is. In this podcast, Amber Rae talks about creating an envy map of the people you’re jealous of and why, so that you can identify what you feel is missing in your own life and what you’re really craving – that might be a good way of approaching the unpeeling of your feelings.

For me, I feel comparison around people who are creating a lot of brand content or writing books, and also around people releasing new coaching offerings or courses. For the former, I’m jealous that they’re being asked, so I have to be aware that this is actually about my need for external validation rather than the fact that I’m objectively not good enough. For the latter, I worry that people will choose them over me which comes from some lack mindset issues and isn’t a reflection on my work.

Another thing to get analytical about if you’re comparing yourself to a specific person or business is them. This is where that time stalking comes in. Are they what your comparison thinks they are, or can you bring them down from the pedestal? I had a client who almost changed her whole business model because she felt so much comparison with another business, but when she got analytical she recognised key differences and that actually this other business wasn’t a ‘threat’ at all.

In what ways does what they do differ to you? In what ways aren’t they doing as well as you? What are the positives and negatives in their online presence? Start approaching this as objective market research and you’ll be able to show your comparison that actually there’s nothing to worry about.

(If you have a trusted outside perspective you can bring in during this step it can be helpful, especially if you’re struggling to be objective).

Step 3: Take Action

After analysing, take action on your findings so you have fewer things for your comparison to flare up about in future. If you’ve identified things you want to change in your business, change them! Or at least, put a plan in place to do so. So if I feel comparison about someone’s new e-course, I would re-read mine to remember how good they actually are and add in any new elements I feel are necessary. Or if I’m jealous of someone’s brand collaboration, I should pitch to a brand too. For you, this might look like changing up your Instagram aesthetic, re-writing your About page, adding a whole new product line even.

When you’ve been triggered by a person it’s possible to take action here too, in two different ways. If the comparison was negative, i.e., you didn’t like what they were doing and they felt like the opposite of what you stand for, then be the opposite. Get clear about what you don’t like about their business and be pro-active about making sure you’re the opposite. If the comparison was because you loved what they did and thought they were better than you, then seek to collaborate! Connect with them, put both of your greatnesses together and pull each other up (this is exactly what I did in this post interviewing five coaches).

For me and comparison, getting to a place of objectivity as quickly as possible is what’s important – sometimes I can get there in five minutes, sometimes it takes quite a lot longer. Using objectivity and acceptance that this is just part of being a business owner definitely makes comparison feel like less of a monster, whilst taking action makes me feel like I’m taking back control. Remember that everything is within in your power, and you are capable of holding on to it through even the most comparison-y days.