This Is A Worthiness Issue
I deserve what I desire.
This is an affirmation I have started writing every morning, after listening to Jamie Varon’s book and her belief in the power of affirmations. I’ve never really been one for affirmations, but I do know that the science behind “tell yourself something is true often enough and you’ll believe it” is solid, so I am having a go at it. Seeing what happens.
It has been a bit of a shock to realise that this is something I don’t believe.
In the early days of my business I found I had a “that’s not for people like me” limiting belief, but it was something I was able to work alongside without it stopping me. I always felt that I deserved to be making money from the work I was doing. And then in the weird smudge of my life that was 2020-21, something apparently changed.
I’ve still not been able to pinpoint exactly what happened. All I know is that I’ve come into mid-2022 feeling revived and ready to work and feeling completely certain that I do not deserve to earn money.
For a while I thought that I wasn’t confident in what I was doing, that I didn’t believe in the work, but while I’m creating the resources for The Cabin and writing the essays I’m thinking “this is really good” - the problem comes when I attach money to the situation. I am comfortable with putting it all into free blog posts, but charging for this work makes me feel like a bad person. I have things I want to do in my life (from going to summer supper clubs to paying my rent), and yet something inside me believes that I am undeserving of the money those things require.
This is a worthiness issue. Perhaps you don’t feel you deserve to take time to yourself when others need you. Perhaps the life you want to live feels like it’s for someone better than you. Perhaps when you think about those things you want becoming a reality you feel a banging in your head and your brain telling you “no, don’t be STUPID”. Perhaps you feel guilty when you feel happy.
I am not going to tell you how to start feeling worthy of those things you want, because clearly, what do I know about that? But I’m going to tell you what I’m doing. I’m writing that affirmation. And when I think about the things I want to do and the money I need to make and my brain starts clanging the saucepan lid chanting “not for you, not for you” I whisper back “I deserve what I desire”.
Most of all, I am doing. I am making this programme, and it is good. I am writing the launch content and that is good too. I am not stopping to overthink about it or allow myself to sink into a “how dare you try to make money?” hole - there’s no time for that because I am MAKING, I am CREATING. I am doing it anyway. My hope is that at the other end my affirmations and actions will have rewired my brain into believing I do deserve it. But even if not - I have done it anyway.
